Tag Archives: Gina Ford

Sleeping like a baby…

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In a not un ironic moment I saw this story at 4am – headline “bad sleep dramatically alters body”.

Researchers conducted a study where they forced people to sleep for less than six hours a night for a week (lightweights) – and found that over 700 genes were altered as a result. The lead scientist was quoted as saying, ”Clearly sleep is critical to rebuilding the body and maintaining a functional state, all kinds of damage appear to occur – hinting at what may lead to ill health.

“If we can’t actually replenish and replace new cells, then that’s going to lead to degenerative diseases.”

I am feeling pretty damn degenerate at the moment, but that’s probably because I’ve been surrounded by illness in the household for longer than I care to think about. In order to cope, I’ve done whatever it takes to help the littlest one to sleep well, and this involves feeding milk on a four-hourly basis and bed sharing. It’s like having a newborn again, except that this particular infant is two, and pipes up, “oi’ve been thinking that oi want some milk now mummy. Just milk and NOT water”.

This has led me to the conclusion that not actively trying to do anything about my child’s sleep is definitely stress-free on one level. I’ve mentioned before how trying to fit into a routine when my boys were babies definitely contributed to my PND. I suspect that Gina Ford and her acolytes would be up in arms at my current antics (as would most normal-thinking people too, I admit). And B is definitely sleeping well as he jabs his pudgy little feet of steel into the small of my back every 10 minutes.

Some people are brilliant at this co-sleeping lark. I’m just not one of them. I like the idea and wish I could sleep comfortably next to my child. But I can’t, and it’s totally doing me in. Last night he came into the bed at 12am, and I barely got a wink afterwards. I suspect “something must be done”, and find myself (yet again), facing the prospect of some form of sleep training.

But every time I approach it, I recoil. The idea of knowingly letting my child cry is anathema to me – and yet the “softer” techniques (gradual retreat, etc) just seem like pulling off a sticking plaster agonisingly slowly. If anyone reading this has successful experience of sleep training a two year-old, I’d really love to hear about it. Or, better still, come round to my house and listen to him yell while I bugger off to the pub.

 

 

She Who Must Not Be Named – and other parenting experts

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Right, Gina Ford, before you get all litigious on my ass (as is your wont), I just want to say right away that I don’t blame you for my PND. Or Tracey Hogg, or Penelope Leach, or any of the other authors of baby books I have read. I’m just saying that, for someone who like to take ‘How To’ books at face value, they have significantly added to my stress levels over the last three years.

No matter that they always add in some kind of disclaimer about ‘adapt it to your own baby’, or words to that effect, the general tone of the books is, ‘do what I say and your baby will sleep through/eat well/have impeccable manners/rarely tantrum, etc’. Or, the inverse scare tactic, leading you to worry that if you don’t follow the advice therein, your child will be maladjusted, socially inept, poorly attached to you and a future ASBO candidate.

No matter that they can’t ALL be right, as the advice tends to be different, if not downright conflicting. No matter that if they really had the answer, there would only ever be one parenting book available and it would work for everyone. I seized upon these books hungrily for each stage of my babies’ first months/years, looking for solutions to my problems.

I have always had a rather simplistic, literal view of the world (which is why I trained to be a life coach) – I love problems and finding solutions for them. And I love reading How To books. But the parenting ones have absolutely done my head in.

I can remember back two years ago, I would be rocking my son in his pushchair in a darkened bedroom, sobbing my eyes out, willing him to go back to sleep as he had only slept for 45 mins of his hour-long nap. If I’m totally honest, I would probably be doing the same now with number two, but I don’t have the time as I’m too busy with number one. It’s a good thing.

I’m sure a lot of people pick up parenting books through lack of other information, or not having mothers around or who were able to hand down their childrearing advice. But they tend to get you at your lowest ebb, when you’re chronically sleep-deprived, full of hormones, and desperate for someone to show you the way. It’s even worse when a friend recommends a book saying it ‘really worked for us’ – because you then feel even more of a failure when your child doesn’t conform.

Of course there is good advice within most of them, but for people like me who take things by the letter, they do your head in on a monumental scale. I found they undermined my confidence in myself, as there was a solution to every problem, I only had to turn to page 64, and there was a helping hand.

Even What to Expect, which is pretty helpful and practical in many ways, had me worrying about whether my first son was reaching the right milestones at the right time, and how to deal about it if not.

And don’t get me started on sleep books. Richard Ferber, Gina Ford, Elizabeth Pantley, and they’re only the ones that spring to mind. All full of authority and reassurance. All hugely contradictory.

You may conclude from this and the books in and of themselves are not the problem, rather my own dependence on someone else’s views as to how to raise my child. You’re probably right. But I’d love to hear from anyone else for whom baby books have been more a source of anxiety than comfort. And how to get that voice out of your head as you settle the baby for the third time at 3am telling you ‘if you carry on doing this, you’ll only be creating a rod for your own back’. Fine – but nothing else I’ve tried has worked.