I’ve failed already. Failed at my resolution not to make any New Year’s resolutions. Inspired by Leo Balbuta’s post about living without goals, and my mindfulness training about living with and accepting the present, I decided I would try and go with the flow. I would not get out my trusty notebook and write down my plans and goals and dreams for the year. Instead, I would sit back and watch life unfold. I would be more relaxed, less single-minded.
But I can’t. I have felt tired and unmotivated since I made that decision. Ok, the tiredness is (as ever) explained by other things (double chicken pox, anyone?). But it feels as though 2013 is going to be a significant year of change, and I want to feel, rightly or wrongly, that I’ve played my part in making it happen.
For one thing, my goals give me energy. When I have an idea about the end result, it makes the steps I need to take in order to get there seem more real. When I know the direction I want to go in, I can do something small, every day, and it will eventually take me there.
That’s not to say I hold onto them so tightly that I can’t let them go if circumstances change, or if I change my mind about something. But I crave the formality of sitting down with my notebook and really thinking about what I want to achieve. The funny thing is, once I’ve written down the goals, I often don’t consciously do anything about them – and yet by the end of the year I find they’ve realised themselves anyway.
So, pencil in hand, I’m going to make a start on this year’s goals. They’re mainly going to be work/money-related, but I also want to learn something new this year, do something that takes me out of my comfort zone, and drink less, but better wine. And to read new and interesting new blogs. On that last point – any suggestions?