Tag Archives: mindfulness

Wherever you go, there you are

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Just picked up this brilliant book - “Wherever you go, there you are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn, the follow-up to his fantastic, but complex, “Full Catastrophe Living”. I love the title, and it brings home how the jobs we get, the things we buy, and the ways we fill our days are so often an attempt to escape ourselves. And yet, even with that great new job, that new pair of shoes, that new partner – we are still fundamentally the same person inside.

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t aspire to greater things for ourselves, or enjoy identifying and achieving goals. But we won’t become a different person when we get them, and life won’t suddenly be simple and happy all the time. It will still be messy, difficult, interesting, frightening, disappointing and joyful. We just get better (or we don’t) at handling our circumstances.

It’s very accessible and easy to read – and each chapter has a “try” section, with practical applications of the issue discussed. I’m going to share a few of these (quotes directly from the book) in a series of blog posts as I find them really helpful and inspiring. Try:

  • Stopping, sitting down and becoming aware of your breathing once in a while throughout the day. It can be for five minutes, or even five seconds. Let go into full acceptance of the present moment, including how you are feeling and what you perceive to be happening. For those moments, don’t try to change anything at all, just breathe and let go.
  • Reminding yourself from time to time, “this is it”. See if there is anything at all that it cannot be applied to. Remind yourself that acceptance of the present moment has nothing to do with resignation in the face of what is happening. It simply means a clear acknowledgement that what is happening is happening…You might try acting out of a deep understanding of “this is it”. Does it influence how you choose to proceed or respond?
  • Work at allowing more things to unfold in your life without forcing them to happen and without rejecting the ones that don’t fit your idea of what “should” be happening.
  • Looking into impatience and anger when they arise. See if you can adopt a different perspective, one which sees things as unfolding in their own time. This is especially useful when you are feeling under pressure and blocked or stymied into something you want or need to do.
  • Recognising the ways in which you meet obstacles with harshness. Experiment with being soft when your impulse is to be hard, generous when your impulse is to be withholding, open when your impulse is to close up or shut down emotionally…Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.

Tips for staying present

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The following suggestions were adapted by my mindfulness tutor from the University of Bangor, Gwennie Fraser, from Saki Santorelli, ‘Mindfulness and Mastery in the Workplace: 21 Ways to Reduce Stress During the Workday’.

You don’t need to have studied mindfulness to usefully integrate them into your day, and it will make a difference to the way you feel. There’s something very calming about living your life as it is, not as you’d like it to be.

  • Bring awareness to your breath and body when you wake up in the morning, take a few conscious breaths and practice half-smiling before getting out of bed.
  • From time to time during the day, bring awareness to your body posture, what your body is doing and how you make transitions between body movements.
  • Bring awareness to your breathing at various times of the day.  Choose to take a few conscious breaths, following the breath all the way in and all the way out.
  • Use natural mindfulness triggers during the day to bring your attention back to the present moment: when the phone rings, when you pass through door ways, when you stop at traffic lights, when a sound comes into your awareness.  Use these moments, to take a breath and to come into body sensation, feeling your feet on the ground.
  • When you eat or drink, bring awareness to the process of stopping, tasting, sensing and nourishing yourself.
  • Bring awareness to body sensations as you go about your day, feeling the touch of air on your skin, the parts of the body in contact with the ground, the movement of your limbs as you walk.
  • Notice when you are rushing or hurrying.  Bring awareness to your state of mind, emotions and body sensations in these moments.  Notice if tension is arising.  See if there is a possibility of choosing a different stance.  Whenever possible, just do one thing at a time.  Enjoy the present moment!
  • When you find yourself waiting or queuing for something, use these moments as valuable opportunities to stop and tune into your experience.  If you are feeling impatient in these moments, bring awareness to that.
  • Bring awareness to the arising of tension in your body during the day, or check periodically for tension in your most vulnerable spots.  Use these as barometers as to your stress levels and if possible, breathe into these spots, and ease the tension by letting it go.
  • Continue to choose daily activities that you can conduct consciously with mindful attention: brushing your teeth, doing the washing up, getting dressed.  Pay full attention to what you are doing and when the mind wanders bring it back.
  • Bring awareness to patterns of communication: talking and listening as well as periods of silence and notice your states of mind during these activities.
  • Try to be more present during the moments of your life: feeling the breeze on your skin as your walk, noticing the small flower that is growing out of the crack in the wall, the call of the wild geese flying overhead as they start their long journey home.
  • Practice tuning your mind toward a more positive frame: reflect on everything you feel grateful for today; reflect upon the positive moments and what has gone well.
  • Before falling asleep at night, bring awareness to your breathing and your body sensations for at least five whole breaths, all the way in and all the way out.

Mindful musings

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I’m coming to the end of my eight week course in mindfulness and thought I’d share some of the things I’ve enjoyed (or not), and my general thoughts about the programme.

I went into it with very high expectations – maybe excessively high. This was partly due to the cost (very expensive considering it’s only eight weeks. I guess it’s to do with university fees as the course is run by the University of Bangor, but I expected more materials for my money) and due to the positive experiences I’d previously had of mindfulness practise.

Each week, I had a one-hour chat with my tutor about how the exercises of the previous week had gone. There was a minimum of 45 minutes formal practise to do each day in addition to the everyday activities. It doesn’t sound like very long, but I had underestimated how difficult it would be to actually fit it all into my daily schedule. As the course went on, my formal practises because less and less frequent (due to illness, holidays, job interviews etc) and I felt increasingly frustrated with my inability to do it “properly”.

I can’t fault my tutor – she was kindness and understanding itself, and gave me some very useful tips about dealing with things as they were, rather than in the “ideal” structure of the course. I also learned ways to stay present, how to deal with ‘difficult communication’ (i.e arguments!), how to deal with stress, and how to accept things as they are as a prerequisite to change.

I have used some of the techniques I learned to positive effect – when getting back to sleep after I’ve woken at night with the kids, and when feeling nervous about job interviews. I also suspect I’ll be able to use the CDs of formal meditations more easily once the course is over. I am a very perverse individual at times, and feeling like I “have” to do something makes me more inclined not to do it. So I accept I am not an ideal student!

In summary, what I found useful was:

- having audio CDs to guide me in the meditation

- Being able to speak to my tutor who would tailor some of the exercises to fit my situation

- The fact that the course was eight weeks meant it was long enough to feel like I was progressing, but not so long that I totally lost interest and motivation.

What was less positive:

- The cost of the course

- The quality of the printed materials supplied. Recommended books were not included in the course fees (which I would have expected as a minimum) and the booklet with exercises and weekly reading was of terrible quality. Bad photocopies, mixed fonts and sizes, it looked like something you’d mark poorly as part of a sixth form project.

I am a total convert to mindfulness and I can honestly say it has already enriched my life, so I suspect this course may be the start of a lifelong journey of learning. If you’re interested in knowing more details of my feedback on this specific course, please contact me directly.

It all started with a raisin

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My eight week mindfulness distance learning course started this morning, with an hour-long phone call with my tutor. After a hideous night punctuated every 45 minutes by the cries of one child or another, I was not in a state to deal with too much academic rigour. Luckily, today was all about eating raisins.

Well, not all about raisins, but it was one of the first exercises I did. The idea was to try and focus on the whole experience of eating a raisin. From taking it out of the box, looking at it, the shadow it might cast in your palm, its weight, how it feels as you roll it between your thumb and forefinger. Then how it smells, how it feels in the mouth, how it tastes as you bite into it and how it feels to swallow it. Then any after effects.

I have a lifelong dislike of all dried fruit, but raisins in particular. Having discussed this with my tutor in my introductory chat (she was nothing if not thorough on the course content), we decided that if it was too hideous, I would be armed with a Smartie next to the raisin to “take the taste away”. I felt like a child having my first taste of grown up medicine that wasn’t Calpol.

In the event, it was fine – and I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as bad as I’d hoped. It was an interesting exercise in being aware of the wonders of the everyday, and how I expect a six month old’s thought processes would go when faced with a similar item for the first time (minus the interjectory thoughts about Tesco deliveries and the afternoon’s weather). I am going to test out this approach with other foods I’m not keen on – I wonder if focusing intently on every aspect of it will take away some of the preconceptions I might have regarding its horribleness. Sadly, I don’t think this will work with people I don’t like – and I doubt I could stomach rolling Michael Gove or my old PE teacher in my palm of my hand or biting them to really see how they taste , even if they were game for the experiment. :-) .

 

Doesn’t matter what you call it, just give it a try

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I’ve become aware after talking to a few people that the term “mindfulness” may be off-putting to some people – it sounds a bit flaky or “woo”. If you have an instinctive negative reaction to the word (as I initially did), try think about it as concentrating intensively on whatever you’re doing.

Mindfulness purists will argue me that it’s about more than just that, but for beginners it’s as good a definition as any. So, if you’re reading this while having a cup of tea, stop, turn away from the computer and focus on the tea. Its temperature, how it smells, how it tastes, how it feels in your mouth, how it feels as you swallow it (trying not to get too 50 Shades here, but you get the gist).

I find it incredibly difficult to do. It’s a real discipline, especially when you’re looking after babies or small children and are used to multitasking.  Everyone has their particular areas of resistance –mine is eating. I find it virtually impossible to “just” eat, and not watch TV, look at the computer, read, etc. It feels very uncomfortable, not as though I’m wasting time as such, more that it just feels weird to be conscious of eating.

It is very worth it though. I’m still beginning, but for every minute (or even 30 seconds) I manage to focus on whatever I’m doing, I become noticeably less anxious. It’s pretty hard to obsess about something when you’re concentrating on a physical sensation such as eating or drinking or exercising. You come back to inhabiting your body instead of your head, and that’s one of the most helpful things for me.

Six months on – what’s changed?

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I realise it’s been six months since I did my New Year’s stocktaking post, where I looked at helped – and what hindered – my attempts to sort out my PND.

A few things have changed since then. One of the most significant is stopping taking my antidepressant medication, without any apparent side effects. There was no real spur to come off them, other than as an experiment to see if I really needed them or not. I’m not ruling out taking them again in the future if things get worse, but it’s good to know that they’ve served their purpose of giving me the resilience to help me improve my mood through other methods for now.

I’ve also increased my working hours – not by much, admittedly, but enough to feel that I’m part of the working world again. I’ve had some interesting and enjoyable projects, which have given a real boost to my self esteem/ego.

One major thing that has sadly not changed is the sleeping situation. I am probably even more tired than six months ago because of the cumulative effect of the sleep deprivation. My kids wake through the night and are up and ready to start the day at 5.30. I’m hoping the early waking stuff will change as the mornings get darker, but I would welcome any advice from people who have managed to deal with non-sleeping pre-schoolers and toddlers. I suspect the only solution is for me to go to bed earlier, but that would feel like a backwards step in terms of regaining some time/head space that is not all about the children.

So, to sum it up (God, I love bullet points), what has worked in the last six months includes:

  • Doing a mindfulness course (here is the one I’m following) and trying to weave it into my daily life
  • Working more
  • Dropping the antidepressants and replacing them with decent vitamins, and even more tea and coffee
  • Accepting what I cannot change and changing what I can (stolen from the Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer)
  • Being grateful for what I do have and trying not to sweat the small stuff.

And what hasn’t:

  • Any attempt on my part to change my children’s sleep patterns.

Here’s hoping something might have changed by New Year 2013…

Nice little grounding exercise

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Just a quick post tonight, but thought I’d share an exercise from my mindfulness course that I’ve found to be pretty effective.

Basically, you try and concentrate on your breathing for five minutes. Of course, most people immediately daydream or start worrying about something or imagining what they’re having for dinner. And forget about focusing on how the breath feels going in and out of the body.

So every time you lose focus on the breath and start thinking of something, just make a note of whether the thought belongs to the past, present or future. So if you’re thinking about a fight you had this morning, just say “past” to yourself and try and come back to your breath. If you start thinking about the fight again, just repeat “past”, and refocus on the breath. Same as if you are being distracted by feeling cold, think “present”. You get the idea.

It’s really simple, but a helpful way of staying in the present, but just for a limited time so the thought doesn’t feel too daunting. I also find it helps me get back to sleep after one of the kids has woken me up and my adrenaline is on overdrive.

Worth a try if you tend to live in your head.

I’ll be happy when…

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  • I’ve got rid of this bastard cold
  • My kids are sleeping better
  • I’ve got fitter and stopped eating crap
  • I’m earning more money
  • I’ve had a haircut
And so on.
These are just a few examples of some of the reasons I’ve put off feeling cheerful this week – and it’s only Monday! Admittedly having a low level illness that’s not serious enough to confine you to your bed but just casts a greasy film over your everyday existence can get you down. But I’ve caught myself falling into the trap of fantasy thinking, that life will be somehow magically transformed once a particular event has happened or state has ben achieved. I used to think like this all the time, then couldn’t work out why I still found things to be miserable about even when what I wished for had taken place.
In some respects I blame the motivational, goal-setting mindset I adopted some ten years ago. How churlish does that sound? I admit that identifying what I wanted and working out the necessary steps to achieve it has had huge benefits, both professionally and personally. But if done in isolation, it can reduce life to a series of steps to be completed and bullet points to be ticked off. Yes, there is some satisfaction to be had in crossing things off a list, but it’s rarely the state of nirvana you expected when you initially identified the goal.
Yes, goal-setting is all well and good, and because it’s the way I think I’ll probably keep doing it in spite of myself. But I need to remind myself to count the little moments of happiness in the present, as they are just as important, and more likely to provide satisfaction than some far-off “someday” situation. I’d been slightly neglecting my mindfulness exercises as they’d been feeling too much like a chore, but I’m going to renew my commitment to finishing the course and listening to at least one meditation a day, as they do keep me focused on the here and now. Oh dear, that sounds a bit like a goal. Erm…

This is a 10 minute exercise I’m really going to commit to…

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…because I’ve shelled out 60 quid for it! I’ve enrolled on an online ‘Introduction to Mindfulness’ course, which is run by the Mindfulness Center in Sweden. This has an association of some sort with the British company, Breathworks, which specialises in training about mindfulness and meditation.

Anyway, I decided to sign up for this as I don’t really have time to attend a course, and it seemed a reasonable amount to pay for a 10 week programme. There are audio files and relaxation exercises to listen to, and other daily “things to remember”. I’ve only done the first few exercises, but the idea is to commit to 2 x 10 minute sessions a day. At the end of the course, it claims you will feel calmer, more able to live in the present, sleep better, be more spontaneous, have more energy etc.

I’ll try and update my blog every week with how I’m doing, and see if it produces the results I’m hoping for.

Head Start

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OK ok, so I pledged not to blog for a whole week and it’s only been two days. However, I was reading the Guardian’s Head Start supplement and there were so many great articles in it about time and mindfulness and relaxation that I had to share it here, in case it fell off the Life and Style front page. It also led me to read an interesting blog post by one of the article’s authors, Ed Halliwell, on whether it’s possible to have “a bit of mindfulness”. I’ll probably post about it another time as I found it very thought-provoking.

So I hope this still counts as staying off social media – as I promise not to check Facebook after this has been shared ;-)