Tag Archives: Postnatal Survival Guide

Stocktaking 2012

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Much in the manner of last year, I thought I’d have a trawl through the last 12 months and have a bit of a think about what’s happened. Rather than dividing things into “good” and “bad” as I did before, I thought I’d just get down a random selection of things that were new, or that changed my life in some way (however small).

It’s interesting that last year I had “look into mindfulness” and “get more sleep” as my two main aims. The first one I accomplished by taking a 12-week online course with the Mindfulness Centre at the start of the year, then in the autumn going into a bit more depth with an eight week distance learning course at Bangor University that required a lot of self-practice and weekly talks with a tutor.

I’ve blogged about it elsewhere, but I do still think it is a valuable tool, even if it wasn’t the magic bullet I secretly hoped it might be. I can say that I probably am more aware of my present circumstances and less likely to fight against what is really happening (as opposed to what I would like to happen).

The sleep issue – well, I had decided to do sleep training and then bottled it. By which I mean I’d planned on doing gradual retreat, but realised B would never stand for it and I would find it too hard myself. As it happens, B has slept though (til 5am, granted, but I’ll take that if the rest of the night is undisturbed) a handful of times in the last fortnight, so I don’t feel so bad about not actively intervening. My heart wasn’t massively into it anyway, but I may have to revisit it come the New Year and if work circumstances change.

Work – I have had a very enjoyable year freelancing part-time (and publishing the Postnatal Survival Guide), which I am planning on virtually touring in the New Year once I get my shit together. I am also looking into getting permanent work.I don’t know how 2013 will pan out on that front, so watch this space. But I do need to earn more money. Which brings me neatly to…

…economising, budgeting and generally saving money. I have a bad habit of spending money as if I was single, childless and earning a full time salary. As this is not the case, I need to rein it in, quite significantly. So expect some dullard batch cooking and coupon posts in the New Year :-) .

Other plans include to get more fresh air, watch less TV, and get to know more people in my village. I realise all this could be achieved by joining the WI hiking group, but not sure if I’m quite ready to go down that road yet.

Despite some setbacks and issues too personal to chronicle here, I feel 2012 has been quite a positive year, in that foundations have been laid for what I think will be a year of significant change. Thank you to everyone who has followed this blog and taken the time to comment on my posts (or even just dropped in and out). I am often amazed when people mention things I’ve written as I do sometimes forget I’m communicating with more than just the computer screen. So for everyone reading this, thank you very much. And for those who aren’t, I hope you’re enjoying the fourth round of the World’s Strongest Man. I’d probably choose that over reading this twaddle given half a chance…

“Don’t give up work to be a stay at home mum…

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…unless you have a hefty private income or work from home”.

This was the title of a mumsnet thread that piqued my interest this week – along with several hundred others (the discussion has 771 posts at last count). The original poster (OP) found herself in the unenviable position of a having a husband who had walked out on her, children with special needs who needed home educating and her benefits stopping once the children had grown up.

She writes:
“I’ve been out of work for 10 years now, I have no profession. In 6 years time our child support will stop as will most of our benefits. I will near fifty having not worked at all for 18 years.

“My future is shit. Utterly grey and bleak. All I have to look forward to is a state pension. While my ex earns a fortune, travels the world and has new relationships.

“This is reality for me. So think long and hard about giving up work to stay at home because no matter how shit your job is it’s preferable to my future don’t you think?”

I am very sorry for the OP – life has dealt her a very bad hand. And she makes a good point – that we don’t know what life will throw at us at any point, and having regular, secure employment (as much as any job is secure) should be more prized than it is.

I admit I took it for granted. When my first child was born, I was exhausted (yup, he was a poor sleeper too, although not nearly in B’s league), I had moved cities, meaning my former job would be a long commute, and my partner was earning a good salary. I thought it would be a good idea to leave and go freelance – it would mean being able to spend more time with my baby and not be at the mercy of Southern Railway and its varyingly reliable service.

Fast forward three years, and my partner is no longer in that job but is also freelancing, and our financial circumstances are a lot less rosy. We don’t have paid holidays or a pension. And we are still very lucky – we are in a profession where it is possible to earn money working from home.

in some ways I don’t regret it – I wouldn’t have written Fertile Thinking or the Postnatal Survival Guide had I been working more – I wouldn’t have have the energy. But now I am trying to get permanent work, I’m realising what I gave up. Not only a regular income, but a part-time job (gold dust!) at a level commensurate with my experience. Plus it’s easier to get work when you’re already in a job – employers can be a bit scared of employing freelancers.

If you’d told me this would happen three years ago, I might still have made the same decision. But I would have made tit with a lot more appreciation of the realities of the job market. I thought that “everything would be fine” – because I wanted to believe it. No one wants to think “what if my husband loses his job, or gets ill, or we split up”? Especially in the first flush of motherhood. But this poor woman’s story is a sobering reminder that a good job is hard to find (now more than ever) – and we should be aware what we are giving up if we decide to stay at home with the children full time. Many women think, “I’ll just get a job when they’re older” – but as many women I know are discovering, it ain’t all that easy…

Introducing…The Postnatal Survival Guide!

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<drum roll>….It’s here!

Well – sort of. The Postnatal Survival Guide, my new ebook about getting through PND is finally here. It’s currently available on Smashwords and Amazon, but in the next few weeks you’ll be able to get hold of it via Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Sony, Apple and Diesel too.

I’m offering it free for readers of my blog – it’s a minor faff, but to get it free from Smashwords, search for the Postnatal Survival Guide, register to buy it, then enter the code: DN57R at the checkout.

Let me know what you think – and please feel free to share the code with your friends. If you’ve got a few minutes spare you could even review it on Amazon or Smashwords for me :-) .

Why are there so few part time jobs out there?

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Or job share roles? Genuine question.

I’ve been poring over job sites recently and have hugely relaxed my criteria re-location, salary, and the actual role. On some sites, I just click “part time” and leave the other spaces blank, so I’m not missing out on anything, however ill-suited I might be to the job. But there really is very little out there, bar care assistant roles (I’m not caring enough, tbh) or sales jobs (not thick-skinned enough).

And I just don’t understand why there aren’t more roles advertised as possible job share, if the role itself needs to be covered full time. It’s nigh-on impossible to find the “perfect” candidate for a position anyway – so by making the role a job-share, you are doubling your chances of getting all the skills you require to do a great job. Well-managed, a job share role could be much more effective than an individual one, and that’s not taking into account the fact that you’re much more likely to get long-term loyalty from a person who (quite probably a parent) appreciates the stability of being in the same job for a while.

I have started emailing recruiters who advertise for interesting full-time jobs for which I’m well qualified, and asking if they would consider a job share, if there’s no possibility of a part-time role. I have only ever received one considered response, my other overtures have been ignored.

Now I know I’m not the only person out there who could do the job, and there are a lot of people out there competing for very few jobs. It’s the same no matter what sector you work in. But I would love to hear from anyone who works in HR or has some insider knowledge as to who there are so few job-share roles, especially when you would think it would enhance the effectiveness of the work. Am I being hopelessly naive?

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So – while I’ve been out scouting for gainful employment, I’ve also been writing a book, for which I will do a gentle plug now. It’ll be available as an ebook some time next month – the exact publication date is TBC. It’s called the Postnatal Survival Guide and it’s all about stuff that makes you feel better when you’re experiencing postnatal depression. I’ll publish a few excerpts on this blog nearer the time, so keep ‘em peeled :-)