Tag Archives: Twitter

Reasons to be cheerful

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Several chapters into my book, I can conclude that swearing off Twitter and Facebook for the weekend has made me able to concentrate more on the static printed word. Am I a better, more cultured person for it? Unlikely (it was a Peter James thriller, didn’t want to totally alienate myself at the start of the experiment) – but I have definitely carved out a little more mental space in my social media-free zone. In the same way that I feel better for a few nights without wine, I can only enjoy such abstinence in the knowledge that I can return to it at will. So expect to see me all over Facebook again tomorrow – but it’s nice to know I can leave for 48 hours and not be missed (actually…<humphy face>).

Other things that have made my weekend more enjoyable:

  • Spending some time overhauling my career plans (self-employed people could do a lot worse than check out some of Bernadette Doyle’s videos on getting out of the time-for-money trap)
  • Doing something I hated that my children loved. Specifically spending two hours going up and down the flume at the Triangle in Burgess Hill. One of the seven circles of hell for the over-12s.
  • Highlighting things I like the look of in the Brighton Festival guide, Radio Times at Christmas-style. I might not go to see any of them, but anticipation is half the fun.
  • Battling through Saturday with a hangover, as a result of a Friday night out in the local pub. Reminds me that  it’s nice to have people to go out and drink too much with, even if the kids decide to wake at 5.10 and get out the accordion and drum kit to emphasise their pleasure at seeing me.

What made you :-) this weekend?

 

Thanks to Twitter I can no longer read a book

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It’s a situation of my own making, I’ll be the first to admit. But I have tried to read a book (fiction) at bedtime for the last few nights and just can’t get beyond the first few lines. I’m impatient at having to concentrate for so long and reach for my iphone on the bedside table to check my email/Facebook/Twitter account once more before going to sleep. The book will be exactly the same as I left it in the morning, but the world will have moved on. If only we didn’t need sleep, I could really keep up to date.

I am aware of how bad this is, and it has got exponentially worse since a) I bought a smartphone and b) began engaging seriously with Twitter. My gnat-like attention span has been even more corroded by these two factors, and I have started forcing myself out of the cafe (free wifi) and into the library to work as I can’t get online. If I stuff my phone right into the bottom of my bag, I can usually do at least 20 minutes’ work without checking it.

Like all addicts, I pretend I’m in control. “It’s not the technology itself, but the abuse of it that’s the problem” I declaim, making promises to my future self about ensuring my boys won’t have screens in their bedrooms when they’re teenagers. Other than the fact that in 10 years we’ll probably have screens sewn into our eyelids, I realise what a hypocrite I am – and also how annoying to be with. I would hate someone to be with me and constantly checking their phone – but I have become that person.

There is (some) justification – as a self-employed person, I need to be “out there” promoting my wares and I don’t want to only tweet my products and services (it’s dull and I tend to quickly unfollow people who do this). But this means engaging with other people and reading stuff – and there just aren’t enough hours in the day for it.

But this being unable to read a book situation has made me look twice at my online behaviour. This weekend, at least, I am going to stay off Twitter and Facebook, and see if I’ve managed to finish a chapter of a book by Sunday night. Granted it’s not a very long time (and not very scientific), but worth doing nonetheless. I just hope nothing really important happens during that time. Or at least that people don’t talk too much about it until Monday…

Positively downbeat

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I have started following some “inspirational” people on Twitter, in the hope that some of their positivity and energy might rub off on me. I’m a big fan of the concept of making changes to your life to make you feel better. The term “self-help” has become something of a dirty word, but I have always been attracted to people who can see the best in their circumstances and actually *do* something to change what’s not working, instead of bellyaching to their mates and then getting up the next morning and carrying on in the same old way.

So I am following these people in good faith. But I can’t help but wonder what happens “between the tweets” as ’twere. I know everyone has off days and moments of self-doubt. But I love the image of Anthony Robbins walking out of his arena-filling seminars and just emitting a series of fucks, to somehow redress the balance. Or Susan Jeffers snarling at kittens for sport.

For where there is light, surely there must be dark. Are motivational speakers and “upbeat” coaches hideous to live with? As they have to be positive for their living, do they have days where they can only raise a smile if money is involved?

I know that sounds deeply cynical, and, as I say, I am all for positive action. But I guess I would like to see a little more ambiguity in their communications. It would make the positive ones seem more authentic and less “businesslike”. I know people like their idols to be human -but not too much, and they are selling us an idealised version of themselves. So it makes good commercial sense to sell what we want from them. But it’s making my Twitter feed look awfully upbeat and “out there” – something I’m not really feeling at the moment. So if I follow you on Twitter, or you’re my friend on Facebook, could you leave some slightly gloomy comments or update, please? Just to keep the earth turning on its axis and to restore balance to the universe, you understand…

A long, dark night of the soul. And in the morning? Gigglebiz.

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Last night was one of those nights where everything felt wrong. I had drunk too much crap wine, kids were unsettled, and I was immersed in self-doubt and negativity that kept me awake long after the house fell silent.

Last week wasn’t a stellar one on the work front – I made the mistake of accepting a commission when my gut instinct advised against it and, lo and behold, I’m doing far more work on it than agreed, and not for a great fee. I know that a distinct lack of enthusiasm on my part for a project will never end well, because my reputation relies on good work, and that rarely comes out of things I need to be coaxed into. Still, I gave in to the freelancer’s fear of turning work down, so it’s my own fault.

At 3am, this turned into a fully-fledged self pity party, where I vowed I would retrain as a plumber (because they never get ripped off by their clients, bien sur) or do something where it was impossible to fail.

In the cold light of day, I realised I needed to get a grip, and remember that 1) everyone has bad work gigs, whether employed or freelance. Sometimes you make a bad call, and feel rubbish and incompetent for a while. 2) there have been many more times when my work was appreciated, and I felt good about my talents and professional life. Running away from the realities of work wouldn’t solve anything (particularly because I am in the only job I am any good at – and I know this). I just needed to remind myself that everyone has bad days, but it doesn’t automatically mean everything has to change. Quite the opposite.

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After my dark night of the soul, I came back to reality and back into my self-appointed  role as quizmaster for #earlymorningkidstvquiz on Twitter.  I figured getting up at the crack of dawn to while away the wee small hours in front of the goggle box might as well be productive. One very easy quiz question, based on either CBeebies programmes or Channel 5 Milkshake’s programmes, before 9am. Come and join the inanity and follow me @catdean1. There are no prizes, other than the satisfaction of proving you managed to keep your eyes open.

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A bad smell has been following me around all morning. I thought I had unwittingly attracted an estate agent stalker, such was the reek of cheap aftershave. Turns out it’s just the pong of my new conditioner, L’Oreal’s Ever Strong. Makes my hair feel nice, but don’t know if I can continue to use it. I’m sure my boys’ bedrooms will start smelling similar in about 10 years time…

Take notes – everything is copy

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This is apparently what Nora Ephron‘s mother advised – and she clearly took it to heart  as Ephron was one of the most interesting, funny and articulate writers of the last few decades. She died last night, and will be sadly missed.

It got me thinking about the practice,  of “taking notes” – and taking the time to put together a collection of ideas, draft, redraft and then present it to your audience as as polished, worthwhile piece of writing.

A far cry from the “shoot from the hip” brain dumps that Twitter, Facebook, and to a certain extent, blogging, encourage. These days, everyone is a writer. You can publish your thoughts to a limitless audience, as soon as they’ve entered your brain. This is a great democratising influence on who “owns” knowledge and news. Today’s citizen photojournalists don’t spend years learning their craft as assistants to the greats. They download Instagram and, hey presto, they’ve got the shot.

It might be a democracy, but it means trained and experienced writers can struggle to survive in a market where words are merely seen as “content” and you are competing for jobs with people willing to charge less than the minimum wage for their words. I have now deregistered from sites such as Elance or peopleperhour, as I was getting too fed up being pipped to the post by people willing to be paid peanuts for quite specialised work. I kept being told by potential clients that my rates were too high – and yet I’ve not changed them in 10 years. It’s pretty soul destroying to be told that your skill and experience is basically worth nothing if someone else will do it cheaper.

I suspect the only answer is to specialise more than ever and help clients see that good copy will make an appreciable difference to their business; chasing the lowest rates is a false economy.

It’s also important for writers to see their craft as separate from other forms of writing. When I write this blog, I usually publish it as I’ve first written it. I don’t spend hours brainstorming ideas, asking myself questions, then doing several drafts. There’s no time, for a start, and it’s not necessary. But it is a discipline to return to these habits, and to remember how I approached a blank page before the Internet, and its facility for immediate publishing, existed.

The only way for professional writers to set themselves apart from every other “writer” on the web is to stop and think about the value of what they were trained to do. Keep the stream of consciousness for the social media, and take notes and engage the brain for work. Everything might be copy, but not all copy is equal.

iparenting – a 21st century affliction?

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So…I caved in (to myself) and bought an iPhone today. Nothing major in that, you might think – just another shilling in the coffers of Apple who already bought my soul several years ago with their beautiful laptops and music machines. But, while I am like a child on Christmas Day, browsing the app store for free goodies, I also feel a sense of unease at the way this will (probably inevitably) further affect my parenting.

My son already makes a face when I open the laptop. It’s not as if I’m constantly on it either, or totally leaving him to be brought up by CBeebies (early mornings and illness notwithstanding). My brain already feels split several ways, my concentration span down to seconds instead of minutes, and I worry that the convenience of the iPhone (and its insistent buzz when a new email comes in) may tip me over the edge.

It doesn’t help that I’m self-employed, and need to respond to emails as they might bring with them the promise of riches (or at least some work – I’m not in the right business for riches, sadly). But it’s more than just that. Checking Facebook, Twitter, emails, texts… I consider myself a pretty moderate user of social media, but I don’t think my kids will see it that way. (“Don’t give me that look! Don’t you know that most people check their phones, like, waaay more often than me”. Yup social media takes years off you. In maturity, sadly, not crows feet or stretch marks).

I know I’m not the only mother of young children who is connected to the internet via a number of devices. (phones, laptops, I mean. Not a robotic arm). And I wonder how this new generation whose parents are ever-distracted, twitching when they hear the beep of an incoming message during a debrief about their day at preschool, or taking phone calls during bath time “because it could be important”, will develop.

Parenting experts have long told us that the most important thing we can give a child is attention. Bad behaviour, for example, is simply a ploy to make us spend more time with them. Flexible working means that many parents can work from home or manage their days around the school run or other childcare commitments. But when they are there in body, are they really there in spirit? I know I am guilty of “just checking my emails” while the kids are otherwise engaged. And I think that’s ok. But I can see that the lines between work (in my case) and time with the kids will become increasingly blurred. I may be multitasking pretty damn efficiently, and the emails will get answered promptly. But at what cost to my family life?

OK, I’m not a moron. I know I can turn the bloody thing off, and commit to only checking it every hour or so when I’m with the kids. I will probably end up doing something along those lines. But all of this takes up a lot of space in my head. Planning, negotiating with myself. Like an alcoholic who thinks he has his drinking under control, but spends every minute counting down until the next glass, so my brain, which could be much more productively employed, will be making deals with myself about using my phone. Not so much that I’m ignoring the kids. Enough to do my job and make it worth having bought it in the first place.

If anyone has any suggestions as to how to manage living with technology in the 21st century and being a good parent, please let me know in the comment box below. Or you can email me. Or Facebook me. Or send me a tweet…

Are goals the enemy of romance?

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I’m not talking football pitches here, where some of the most romantic moments ever have taken place.

No, this is about goals as in aims and intentions. The kind of thing you need to at least have an answer for at a job interview when you’re asked “where do you see yourself in five years time”?

This is something of an addendum to my last post, and the result of a rather heated discussion about goal-setting, writing down lists and being happy. I realise other people are having arguments about Melanie Sykes and her TMI tweeting, but this particular conversation was more prosaic (if not equally trivial).

I have always written things down in order to work out what I think about a particular subject. Before social media existed, my brain vomit flowed into spiral bound notebooks where I could be found writing down the pros and cons of using Sun-In hair lightener (there is never a “pro” about using Sun-In unless you’re trying to really nail that Wurzel Gummidge look)  or editing my list of “the most important qualities of my ideal boyfriend”. If it’s not glaringly obvious, both of these examples date from the age of about 14, but more recent entries will have included sketching out ideal jobs or life situations. Sometimes I’ve been pleasantly surprised when I’ve rediscovered an old “ideal scenario” list and discovered that I was actually living those circumstances pretty much to the letter, without having made any particular efforts towards that goal.

Is this too utilitarian an approach to life, though? Is is suitable for work, for example, but not for relationships or family life? Can you reduce happiness to a series of bullet points?

I find myself surrounded by people who fall into the “goals for every area of life” camp, and those for whom that represents the most soul-destroying and pernicious elements of the self-help movement. Where do you sit on this one? In making long-term, detailed goals are you missing out on the unpredictable, beautiful randomness of life?